Posts

Goodbye to my first solo apartment

 Goodbye to my first apartment :( After I left my mom's house at 18 I've always stayed with a boyfriend or a roommate. I never lived by myself before. I've had terrible experiences with roommates one even turned physical. I vowed that I would never have a roommate or live with someone ever again. Well, that didn't go as planned because my boyfriend & I ended up having a really close relationship so we moved in with each other. We were so excited about the new home and the fact that it was ours and we did it together. Fast forward a few months, and I realized that we just were two different people and lived two different ways. He wasn't a dirty person, he just didn't cook or clean at all. I worked full time and also went to school full time so it was unfair to me that he didn't think he needed to contribute to "our" household. I tried to communicate but everything just stayed the same. We finally decided to end it and move on. When he first move...

Are you a crier or do you hold things in?

 Do you cry a lot or do you hold your emotions in? I'm a Scorpio so as a water sign, I WILL CRY. I don't feel like Scorpios is as emotional as other water signs like cancers and Pisces. I like to feel any emotion that I'm having though. If my feelings are hurt I'm going to address it and/or cry about it. It doesn't matter who it is or what the situation is. I wear my heart on my sleeve but over the years I've developed to have a tougher skin. Certain experiences with people have put me in situations to keep my guard up because they would run all over me if I didn't. Anyway, back to the topic at hand. As a woman, you're supposed to have emotions and show them. You can develop tough skin and still show emotions. You shouldn't have to be masculine or even shut down completely to where you're not expressing yourself freely. We have to keep people in our lives that let us be us. That includes relationships and friendship as well. Your friends and spou...

Living Alone

 The art of living alone. The silence. The bliss. The same music I used to hear my mom play from my bedroom when I was a little girl. The energy in the air is my own. The calmness I feel while cooking my favorite dish. The shows I watch that bring me comfort. The smell of my signature glade plug-ins. It truly is amazing. Every single girl in the world should experience living alone at least once in their life. You have your whole life to be tied down to someone so please enjoy yourself and make memories with you. I just got out of the shower and while I was in there, Sade was playing through my speaker. The stillness of my thoughts while the hot water hit my face and body truly felt like a sitcom. When I got out of the shower I sat at my vanity and did my skincare while drinking a glass of cabernet that my nana gifted me. I'm in my super soft pajamas and I'm wearing my eye patches while typing out how my night just went. I really feel like I live the life I've always wanted...

Do I REALLY want kids?

 Have you ever sat down and asked yourself do you REALLY want kids? I find myself being stuck on that question a lot lately. Society has pushed this narrative that every woman should be having children and that we will die lonely if we don't. I love my life how it is. I don't want to selfishly have children because I don't wanna be alone or I want to leave a legacy with the man I'm with. Half of the time people are having children to "leave a legacy" with the legacy still missing. Is the legacy just leaving them with your last name and carrying your bloodline? That's the most selfish reason to have children. I don't have any voids that I feel I need to fill in my life. I love my freedom and the personality that I have now without children. Let's be honest, you change when you have children. You talk about your kids at girl nights, you can't travel much or get up and move to another city as freely as you could without children. Everything has to...

Are you a bad friend?

 Ever since the new year started, I've been in this mood where I just don't care much. I used to really care about losing people, jobs, stuff, etc. I'm not scared anymore of what I don't have or what I lose. Previously in my friendships, I used to deal with all of the negativity that came with them instead of being confrontational and saying "I don't like when you do this" or "I feel like you can be doing better in your life." As we all know people love to say they want real friends until you actually tell them something about themselves that they don't want to hear. For instance, I lost yet another friend right after the new year that I thought would be my friend forever and it hurt my feelings at first until I noticed that they were doing certain things on purpose. I never miss anything important in my friends' lives. IDC if it is just a dinner you planned to celebrate you having a good week, I'm SHOWING UP FOR YOU. I noticed that e...